Part 3 of Find A Man & Keep A Man Series
Before a Man and a woman decide to get married there are a couple of things they need to discuss first. Where to go for the holidays, who’s paying the bills, how many kids do you want etc. All of these questions need to be discussed and agreed upon before anyone can walk down the isle and say I Do!. Below I am going to discuss the 7 Necessary Things Every Couple Should Do Before Tying The Knot.
7 Things To Do
1. Go Away Together: Find out what he’s really like on a trip where there might be a few stressful situations. See how he or she deals with that. You need to know now if your partner can handle being in charge or not. You also need to see how he acts when he’s away from his normal surroundings etc.
2. Discuss Your Values, Traditions, & Cultural Preferrences:
Religion – Depending on your religion you should discuss what is acceptable or not at the ceremony, discuss relatives and special circumstances according to your religion. See if you are on the same page. If he’s Jewish and your Latin American, are the differences going to be too much to bear. What do you believe you should do before and after marriage according to your religion. All of these things have to be discussed before the wedding day.
Politics- You should discuss whether you are a democrat or republican or neither. Maybe political affiliation makes no difference to either of you but it should be discussed to find out if you are going in the same direction, on the same page.
Rituals/Traditions/Holiday- You both need to decide if during the holidays if the tradition is to go to your husbands family for dinner or your family. Is the tradition for his family is to go skiing for the holidays, maybe your relatives don’t like to ski, and they think this idea is ridiculous. What to do for the holidays, birthdays, major events, should be discussed between the two of you long before you get to the alter.
Bills- You have to decide who’s going to pay what, is the husband going to pay the mortgage and the wife pay everything else, or is it going to be split 50/50. Are the bills going to be paid from a joint account or an individual acct, Do you want a joint account, or do you want to have your own account. All of these questions have to be answered and discussed before you head down the isle.
Income- Is his income more than hers, is that ok, can everyone accept the obvious, or is there going to be a problem. What if the fenale made more than the male, can he handle that. Once again there should be a lot of talking going on about this topic. Another thing that should be discussed is who will stay home and take care of the kids and who will work, or will you both work etc. Discuss, Discuss.
Finanacial Goals/Retirement – Who’s going to save for retirement, both or just one. Do you want to travel or stay home and save the money, What are your goals, do you want to save up and start your own company when your 50, or are you going to work until your 65. Talk about all of these things and ask each other about them to avoid arguments later on.
Do you want children, does he, how many do you want , when do you want to have kids, at what age etc. This is really a deal breaker for some couples when one wants to have kids and the other doesn’t. So please discuss this one very clearly and carefully. Be clear about what you want and if there is a strong possibility of you cahnging your mind later on.
5. Cohabitation/ Living Together
See how your partner is while living together, do they snore, are they sloppy, overly neat. how do they wake up in the morning grouchy, happy, What are their habits and routines in the morning and at night. What are their quirks and strange things they do when they are alone. All of these questions can be answered by cohabitating before you get married.
6. Name Preferences/Name Change
Are you going to keep your last name, or will you take his last name and loose your last name, or will you hyphenate your maiden name with your husbands last name. There are several options where names are concerned, so this should be decided early on.
7. Meet the In-Laws
It is best if you meet the favorite people in each others lives, having a connection with them will mean a great deal to your partner. So meet the best friends, and the favorite aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. If it pleases your partner why not.
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